Life as a Starship Trooper

I’m so glad that I waited for the end of a festival.

I’ve mentioned before that I was a volunteer, once again, with the Fantasia Film Festival in Montreal. This meant guiding audiences to the right theatres, handing out documents and swag, making sure that the seats were reserved and not covered in trash, and also taking a break to watch a few films when I had some time available for myself. I saw a few notable cinematic artworks, but I knew that something extra special was coming down the pipe after the festival ended.

There was a part of me that was dreading the end of the event. I knew that life would go on with me struggling to find work to do beyond teaching and writing, along with my own concerns about where my life is going. Being surrounded by so many filmlovers with the same weird interests as myself is a fleeting joy that is hard to give up. But at least there were the volunteers, and the fact that a special event would cap the work we put into the festival.

Every year, the volunteers are invited to a special film night to watch a movie for free, take home some final posters and treats, and have fond memories of the past few weeks. One of the more interesting things about this event is that we never know what the film is going to be. I have seen “Rear Window,” “Ip-Man” and other films with absolutely no connection to one another. It is good to have that kind of a surprise as you imagine what will grace the silver screen. The only clues we had were the following:

1. It would be a 70mm print.
2. It was found in a dumpster that was almost emptied!
3. It was a classic.

Not much help, of course, but I did not mind. It was actually fun to sit through the advertising of the era of the mystery film and to see some earlier martial art prints so faded and dull it was hard to imagine the film stock lasting into the new year. But, eventually, we did get to our film, and I threw back my head in laughter.

It was Paul Verhoeven’s “Starship Troopers”.

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Now, for this Challenge, I have to imagine what life would be like for me as someone who is now trapped in that world. Simply put, this is a world where the human race has been put on notice that the Arachnids (casually known as “The Bugs”) want us wiped out and intend to continue invading Planet Earth. The film is based on a novel by Robert A. Heinlein of the same name (1959 release), and I can understand why both the book and the film have such controversial histories. It is not difficult to draw parallels with other cultures that have tried to wipe out what was felt to be an “invasive species intent on destroying everything we have built” (fill in your own historical blank there, and note the wardrobe of some of the head officers at the end of the film), but I would have no choice but to get ready to defend my planet.

Now, the first thing I would do would be to become a Citizen. In the film, a Citizen can:

1. Vote
2. Procreate (I do wonder about the regulations over this)
3. Fight!

If not a Citizen, you are just a Civilian, like many of the others stuck on Earth who are trying to decide what to do in their stratocracy (a form of military government). My own rebelliousness and zest for fighting would work out well during training, provided I have no issues with my equipment (one grim scene involving a helmet during a training session is a good warning for all who wish to become Citizen). And I suppose I would eventually get used to communal living where everything is shared (the co-ed showers are always a nice touch).

But what particular role would I have?

This is tricky, but I think I’ve got it…

I would not work as a teacher. After all my years of experience as a college instructor, I would demand something that took me out of the classroom. Also, the behavior of the students would be a clear indication that they would already know plenty of the stories about why their society was now run by the military. Pass.

Military?

As I said, I would want to be a Civilian, and the military would be the way to achieve that goal. But simply being one of the grunts facing the bugs with those ridiculous weapons would not be the way I would like to serve the cause. And I am not sure about piloting the ships, either. Most of the vehicles I saw in the film are awkward, badly designed, and seem to be created to crash and not provide a real means of escape that is practical.

No, no, no…

I would work in…the weapons department.

Okay, okay, I know that this is not really a part of the roles assigned in the film, but I think they need it. My biggest complaint would be the types of weapons that are provided for the soldiers. Really? Plain machine guns and grenades? For a world where they travel across space and attack and defend themselves on an unfamiliar planet, they really do not know how to create a proper weapon that would save lives, prevent all the mutilations and disabilities, and end the war much faster than just a lucky grab of the head bug when you have already lost too many good soldiers.

With a little luck and some good behavior, I may actually receive commendations, find myself a nice house – not in Buenos Aires, of course – and await for the next alien invader to make the mistake of attacking the human race.

Is this too far-fetched? I don’t think so. Working for the team of Johnny Rico, Dizzy Flores, Captain Carmen Ibanez and Dr. Carl Jenkins would be a very particular honor that I would not forget.