"Snow White", more of the same sh*t
General Reviews
After the worst possible media campaign for a movie and two PR agents having the worst time in their careers every time someone related to the movie declared outside the toilet, Snow White finally premiered for the two people who went to watch it (one of those being me).
The truth is that this was an announced failure. Every live-action remake makes less money than the previous one, when they mess with someone's childhood characters skin color (impossible in this case unless you have more than a hundred years) is a riot around the film, and people nowadays just want to watch the world burn. This is no exception. It has all the issues these remakes have been having, but without the little magic it could have had. It is just a bland and a little disturbing movie.
The issue with adapting Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is that it is only eighty minutes of characters repeting their actions a hundred times. So, when adapting other movies like The Little Mermaid or Aladdin there is enough plot and story to make a feature length picture, this is not the case here. They have to add an entire subplot and false obstacles, which cannot affect the final result, making it just an unpurposive deviation. Is not like in Dumbo where, at least, the original movie was only the first half and after that there was a new story, here is just a group of seven bandits that have to delay the plot enough so that we can charge an entire movie theater ticket. And, even with that, the short one hour forty feels like more than two hours. Also, the original Snow White is kind of boring, and watching some of the same bits in the theatre does not help its case.
There is also the issue that Greta Gerwig is not credited as writer. It is said that her participation was short just for a couple of jokes, but in some interviews, she talks about the movie as if she was a main creative voice in it. The movie even has some flaws common to Gerwig's writing, like protagonist without real agency, easy-solved obstacles, a climax based on characters talking instead of cinematic acting and antagonist who autodestruct themselves. I believe after all the problems before the premiere she asked to be removed from the credits to protect her name; I do not have any prove, but neither any doubt. And, even when blaming the actresses skin colors and "poor" performances, it is mostly because of the script.
There are some well-intentioned changes. The kiss is kind of, sort of, relatively… more consensual, because they sang a song about it three scenes ago. Also, now Snow White teaches the nightmare-fuel-dwarfs to clean all together instead of becoming a seven (maybe three and a half) tradwife. She does not fall in love with a prince, now is a poor guy, not because he is hot and rich, but because he saved her; falling in an eighties stereotype instead of a 1930s one, still being almost half a century old in its characterization, but there is some improvement. Of course there is some social-economical commentary, not very deep and told from a very privileged vision, that feels more preachy than reflective. Even with the good and bad there comes with these changes, the main issue stands on the narrative, plot and character work, which are inconsistent and everything gets resolved immediately without any deserving sensation nor effort needed.
The visual aspect is kind of the same. Uninspired. There are a couple of creepy images, kind of copy from the original, but that are the only with some personality. All the designs, outside of the human characters, look very similar to the animated counterparts, making the animals and dwarfs really uncanny valley in the supposed reality proposed by the film. This happens with empty sets never used before, and costumes that look like modern clothes that try to pass as medieval Halloween costumes in the last minute. Everything is so cartoony and over-the-top, but the tone is so serious sometimes that feels almost like a parody sketch.
Talking of which, the Evil Witch (not rime intended). I believe Gal Gadot's hate, even when she really is not the most amazing actress, comes more from her declarations and the general positioning the public is taking on a very complex religious conflict happening in the other side of the world than for anything in this film, because she does a good job. She has a lot of personality, looks great with the only proposing costume like a greedy nun, and sang pretty well. She delivers with a script that makes her character very bad. It is again so cartoony the fact she wants to be fairy to have power, what power comes with it? the kingdom is more of a 50 people village than a powerful State. There was the missed opportunity to have her obsession with beauty being caused by the patriarchy that only values women as long as they are beautiful. And make her freaking evil, like she told a guy to kill her step-daughter, but all she does to other characters is send them to a dungeon, is just ridiculous and not threating at all. Also, she has mystical powers that the only thing they are capable of is to became old and create roses out of thin air. Like, what is that good for?
On the contrary, Rachel Zegler as Snow White carries the film on her shoulders. She is an amazing actress, you completely believe she is a very compassionate, naive, caring and absolutely sweet. She also is an out of this world singer, has an amazing voice, and every time she has to sing in duet you just want the other guy to shut up. She shines, her smile is contagious and is pretty enjoyable to watch her.
Yet, t is a very forgettable movie. You know the deal, just do not watch this film. Watch West Side Story again instead.
You can read my review on the most propagandistic picture I have ever watch, making Germany in the forties look like amateurs, 1938: Cuando el Petroleo fue Nuestro [When the Oil was Ours], on my personal blog: https://onceuponatimethemovies.blogspot.com/
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