What Does The Heart Want?
General Reviews
When the threads of time began unravelling, it hurt at first.
"I hope nothing changes."
Everyone warned me, although nobody could quite ever describe the sensation of growing up. Of being in the midst of it. The clinging desperately, silently, secretly, to the little pockets of the present, knowing intuitively that it will not last.
I remember the last hoorah, the out of character carpe diem sensation tugging us forward into the darkness, onto that beach, where we stood by the water's edge, watching the moon waver behind dark clouds. In the distance, city lights rose to greet us, and it felt like saying goodbye, the laughter that bubbled out of our lips and landed like foam onto the sea. Even then, we knew that everything had changed already.
Then, things actually changed, and I was packed across the country, far from all I've known. So were my friends, some even halfway across the globe. Somewhere far off in periphery, the waves were turning over and our laughter echoed. We stayed friends, but it's not the same when most of the interactions take place behind the screen, playing catch up in each other's lives.
When you live life like a bird, the transitory period never really leaves you. I tried to explain it to a new potential friend, as we were sipping on lukewarm coffee, and she couldn't quite understand what I meant... Neither could my bird friends who thrived in disruption. The difference is that their circles learned to move with them. They spun in accordance, with one another, whereas I felt circumvented, swooping between bodies, begging for a place to settle.
Which is my long-winded way of saying, it is hard to make home.
Being four thousand kilometers away from all I'd known made me nostalgic for an old version of me that I hadn't recalled in ages. I started going back and rewatching old Bollywood movies, trying to reconnect with my desi side. I watched classics like Main Hoon Na, Kal Ho Na Ho, and even Kabhi Khushie Kabhie Ghum, all of which played a huge part in my childhood and also defined the early 2000s Bollywood.
It was actually quite sad to realize how little I remembered these movies. In my attempt to reconnect with my past, I was faced with the gargatuan space between my memories and knowledge. So, I sought to rectify that, and I watched Dil Chahta Hai, a critically acclaimed Bollywood classic of its time.
To be fair, I didn't remember the movie as much as I remembered the feeling of watching it. The soundtrack which painted the essence of my childhood, sitting in the minivan with my family on a hot summer day, when the hours weren't marked with the impending burden of adulthood, settled in the background like a long lost friend. I wanted to return to that. It was as simple as the title, Dil Chahta hai (The Heart Wants): My heart wanted.
So, yeah, the beginning half of the movie does not age well, there's no two ways about it. It's very 2000s. (Don't say I didn't warn you.) Lots of sexual harassment posited as jokes while the delinquent trio cling to their youth the only way they know how: flirting with chicks and also embarrassing each other. Yet, something resonated. And it wasn't harassment. Promise.
This movie braids itself into my childhood. Each scene is imbued with the sensation of being eleven years old again, back at my old house, running rampant with my siblings, blissfully free of any grief. And the feeling persists, even now, so many years later. Yet the movie is also timeless in a way that is relatable beyond just my own personal bias, and guy bonding. The soundtrack is fun and addictive, the narrative simple and to the point.
(I had to include my favourite song from the movie)
The title takes itself very literally. It is about following what the heart wants and learning how to maintain friendships as life ebbs and flows through. It is about falling helplessly in love and how that alters the world around you. As I watched that movie, I understood that blurry space of uncertainty where the three of them were floating. It was the same with my own life, the same with anyone navigating their twenties, where everything is being uprooted and swung around from one experience to the next. My twenties have been the same, too: some of my friends are across the world, while others are married, or just moved in with their partners, while some even have kids. At some point, time gets you and takes you away when you least expect it. Right now, I feel like that's where I am, like Askash (Aamir Khan) or Sameer (Saif Ali Khan) or Siddharth (Akshaye Khanna), waiting for time to catch up.
Of course, it wouldn't be a classic Bollywood movie without some romance, and with Dil Chahta Hai, we got one that raises quite the eyebrow. The classic age-gap.
Except, this movie explores romance in a raw and realistic (eh, I'm using that term very loosely) way. Yes, there is infatuation, and being swept off your feet accompanied with the heart-pattering music sequences, but the movie adds another layer as the boys navigate life. It isn't all magic and rainbows; reality settles in, and the boys are not only separated as they transition into a new chapter of their lives, but they become fragmented based on the choices they make.
Siddharth is taken first. While the other two scoff at the prospect of love, Siddharth falls in love with a middle-aged divorcee and an alleged alcoholic with a kid. He is quite literally swept off his feet by her presence, and despite circumstances keeping them apart, something in him changes. Suddenly, their paths unravel, time takes over. His friends don't understand; they fight. It becomes a turning point that separates the trio and plunges them into their futures.
Now, I'm wholeheartedly one of those sappy romantics, so the narrative worked for me. Yes, they were totally outdated and sometimes hard to swallow (the amount of machoism is crazy), but reality remained a knife. Whether it was distance, time, circumstance, class, or even self-sabotage, an obstacle had to be overcome. A choice needed to be made for each of the three to build their lives. Despite kismet at play, despite the inevitability of them falling, what this movie reminds us is that life does and will get in the way. Even as infatuation takes over them one by one, it isn't enough for the picture-perfect ending. Reality is hard, and it tests each of them. Arguably, Siddharth's story spells it out the best: he falls in love, helplessly, uncontrollably, and yet, the relationship between him and the alcoholic divorcee doesn't manifest into this perfect marriage, or even a proper relationship. It remains a fleeting moment, a feeling, a sensation of love, inexplicable, undefinable, but real, nonetheless.
Yet the movie doesn't condemn or judge, it just shows the weirdness of life. Sometimes you meet someone and it's inevitable. Sometimes, if you're lucky enough, circumstances pave room for your feelings to come to fruition despite everything standing in the way. No matter what, or how much time, real friends will come back.
I've had my fair share of questionable affairs, and I've dutifully spoken my part when my friends have done the same. I've gallivanted from one nation to the next, always arm in arm with the group I call home. We've fought, we've laughed, we've celebrated and we've grieved. Time has tested us. And, now on opposite sides of the universe, we are still standing. Yielding to time.
Romantic and sappy? You betcha.
But then again, who isn't?
(Watch the full movie on Youtube)
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