It started as an Escape for him and became Life for me.

When I was younger I struggled with my relationship with god, with the lack of signs, with the uncertainty of heaven and hell. With such big ideas being introduced to me through film, at a young age, it was hard to conceptualize. It honestly made me afraid and I wondered: do I have to please a man upstairs? Is there truly a life after this?

In the movie Signs, Mel Gibson’s character Graham Hess wisely said: “What you have to decide is what kind of person you are. Are you the

type who believes in miracles and

looks for signs or are you the kind

who believes, things just happen by

chance?” (Signs(2002), directed by M. Night Shyamalan)

I remember watching that film with my dad when I was around five.  Him and I didn’t have a tipical relationship, we were never playing catch or finding ourselves outside too often. He would be gone working so much that I almost never saw him, when he did get home he was too tired to take an active role in my life, but what we did do was watch movies. Really, we would watch any and everything.

Like him, I had a soft spot for the supernatural. Anything Sci-Fi that could take you out of your day to day life and put you into another world, I loved it. For him I knew it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t a love, it was a necessity. It was how he coped with the unbearable weight of life. He wasn’t happy, but for two hours out of each day, he was.

As I got older, around 15, I started to watch films by myself, expand into different niches, and start rewatching my favourite films. Then, I started getting interested in behind the scenes and how the films were made. It started with James Cameron’s “Aliens” but what got me, really got ahold of me and made me say “I want to do this for the rest of my life” was Signs. M. Night Shyamalan had a very deliberate story he knew he wanted to tell. “If there’s a god, why is he so cruel?” He told that theme with every single frame and camera movement, use of colours and character performance that felt so real.

I still remember the first time we watched it with my dad. I will never forget it. Beware of SPOILERS if you’re still reading.

That scene when we, as an audience, are sitting with Merrill Hess “played by Joaquin Phoenix”, watching a newscaster that states “what you’re about to see may disturb you” and we proceed to watch a child’s birthday party play out on TV, kids are screaming, the camera movement is shakey, all the tension is building up until… we stop on an alleyway and hold frame.

Theres nothing more thrilling than that scene for me. I remember it held my gaze, then the alien walked on screen and I screamed. Now that scared me as a child. As I got older, I really wondered how M. Night was able to do that over something so simple, like a magician performing a trick. I needed to know how he did it, I wanted to be that magician, that magician for everyone who was and is going through tough times, I wanted to make movies for my dad.

Now I know he isn’t with us anymore, and he will never see my movies, I’ve come to know that he is somewhere it might not be heaven but it doesn’t just end after life.

It took him leaving for me to figure out. Figure out I wasn’t just going to live life doing a job that pays well and is stable if it’s not truly fulfilling my Soul.

Life is too short to not do what you dream of and my dad taught me that. I’ll take that as a Sign.

Well like Merrill said “I’m a Miracle Man”. I have to agree with him, I utterly and Totally Believe in Miracles.

I love you Dad.